I don't have girls, cash, cars, charisma, or mad flow.
I'm just a mess and can't keep it in anymore.
Turned 23 alone. Spent New Year's Eve alone.
Don't get me wrong, I'm content just to be alone.
But nine out of ten leaves that one night I feel alone.
Kept in the dark, Truman Show, it's like the sky's just a wall and your lies make up all I believe.
Don't lie to an Aspie.
If you have your doubts you could always just ask me.
And if you want out, just puff-puff and pass me like tobe-bowls of disinterest you breathe in, hold, then out.
Catch this hubris walking away cause I'm flawless.
You said so yourself during all of this, in between all of your classes at college.
Now step back while I drop some knowledge: Understand that I can wait, and after all this you'll change. I'll still be here, 'cause I knew who I was going into this.
I've taken a vow to myself not to fall into pieces. Everything that I have left is everything that I need:
an empty heart to house a jealous soul, and empty hands left with nothing to hold. These hands are tired and old and I don't know what to do with them anymore.
It's funny, when I think about it the way I've thought about it... like, I've stayed up all night ripping my hair out and I've got it in this neat little pile to remind myself that if I don't stop I'll be bald by thirty, but in patches and... Sorry, I got off topic.
I've come to the conclusion that our love was an illusion.
"Best friends" - the delusional way you explain the way you behave,
now I'm vacant, contemplative and impatient.
This is not who I wanted to be.
I don't see what you see, yet I refuse to change one thing about me on the chance that my life ends up just like my dreams.
Why can't you just wake up? It's just like my dreams: "You're perfect how you are" yet I'm never good enough.
Produced on the MPC1000, “Nosthaigia” documents time spent in Thailand via regional music. Available here in an exclusive color vinyl. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 24, 2024
